


Letters for You

by hoshiihosh



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Break Up, Five Stages of Grief, Letters, Love Letters, M/M, Post-Break Up, istillsuckattagswhatsnew
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-11-01 14:37:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20816798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoshiihosh/pseuds/hoshiihosh
Summary: Let me start this off by saying I know this is extremely weird. Me talking to you through letters you’ll never get to see. The internet says it’s supposed to help me move on and my therapist would probably agree to it if I could afford to see one. Here I go anyway.orwonwoo writes letters to "mingyu" to help himself move on





	1. Stage 1: Denial

Let me start this off by saying I know this is extremely weird. Me talking <strike>to you</strike> <strike>to myself</strike> to you through letters you’ll never get to see. The internet says it’s supposed to help me move on and my therapist would probably agree to it if I could afford to see one. Here I go anyway.

Hi <strike> love </strike> Gyu,

We started talking again. I texted you first by the way. I just couldn't resist as always. You're extremely busy as you have been for a while and I see why you don't need our relationship as a burden and that's okay. <strike>I mean, I’ve been busy too but I hadn’t thought of us as a burden but ok.</strike> I told you I loved you and you didn't even say anything, just ignored it like you did to me.

You know what the scary part is? It's becoming okay. 

I've accepted that you might not love me anymore. As long as I have you, even just as a friend <strike> ha ha this hurts why don't I just stab myself in the chest </strike>, I will be okay. 

I promised to be your friend before anything else so I will always be here for you and I will always love you platonically and/or romantically. I'll be your best friend turned boyfriend turned best friend again who's hopelessly still in love with you and that's okay.

I've created a whole other world in my head actually, where we're back to best friends and I still love you and you like someone else and you're oblivious to my pain. I'm not necessarily saying you're dense it's just because I have a great poker face and I know it. Then some idiot who I might possibly like takes an interest in me and you turn all protective and soon after you realize you still love me and we can go back to our perfect world before we broke up. It's a typical cliche, well what do you expect from me? You know I’m a hopeless romantic deep inside.

I actually don't know if you're still in love with me but until you don't say it, I'll assume you don't so I wouldn't expect and no one gets hurt. A+ plan I got, right? Wrong, probably.

I don't know anymore, so let's just leave it at that. I surely hope you're still mine though, but until you say it out loud, you'll be mine only in my head. You fell for me before and I hope it doesn't take long for your stubborn head to realize you still are.

Good night. I miss you.

Always yours,

Wonwoo

  



	2. Stage 2: Depression

Hi Gyu,

I’m back  <strike> to talking to myself I think I’m going nuts. </strike>

I'm slowly starting to digest that I don't mean as much to you anymore.  Even before we broke up, it's always been in the back of my mind and I kept trying to push it down because I have had you. I have nothing to hold on to these days so it's all just sinking in. I don't make your day anymore. I think not for a while too.

You said I used to make your day and it was wonderful to feel you light up through your excited texts coming in throughout the day. We survived a year of long distance by texts and calls and I didn’t know what changed. You couldn't go a day without talking to me before but now it’s been two weeks.

<strike> Two fucking weeks of bloody fucking torture but ok </strike>

Sometimes I even feel that you’re compelled to reply to me because I keep bothering you. I don't want to be that person.    


I’ll leave you alone for now. If you wanted to talk to me, you would’ve, right?    


But what’s funny though, is even though I said all that, I'm still in tears, in your sweater nonetheless, because there’s no such thing as “us” anymore. It used to be us against the world but it’s different now.

I miss you. I miss us. I miss the old you, the one who would ask how my day went. The old you who dreamt over our life together. The old you who’d kiss my cheek 3x more than you usually do whenever you’d get even a bit of alcohol in you. The old you who was still mine.

I am and I always will be yours but now you aren't mine anymore and I won't do anything about it. If you love them, set them free, right? If they come back, they’re yours to keep.   


Always. It puts such a bitter taste in my mouth now. A word that held so much now breaks my already broken heart. 

Nonetheless, I love you always. Stay with me please.

Always yours,   


Wonwoo   



	3. Stage 3: Anger

Kim Mingyu, 

I never understood what you used to say that I make you fall in love every day. I never ever got what it meant up until now.  <strike> Ironic that I only realized it now when I don’t need it but whatever. Universe, just say you hate me and go. </strike>

I mean, yeah I know I loved you when we were together. Hell, I still do.

But now?    


I used to love being in love but now it’s just a migraine that never goes away. At times it’s just dull thud in the back of my head. Other times, like now, it’s calling for attention until it’s the only thing you can think of. Like a migraine, it’s pretty fucking painful too. I thought heartache was an emotional pain until I spent a night clutching my chest to fill the Mingyu-sized hole in my chest. You're 6'2" that's a pretty big void to fill. 

It’s so unfair how you could just go about your day and  ignore forget about me when I spend my days waiting on every second for you. I honestly wish I was doing something else rather than pathetically watch my phone and reply to you within seconds. I honestly wish I was doing something else than writing a letter to you that you wouldn’t even see.

Fuck, I don’t even know where we are right now. Are you pity texting me? Are we even friends? Newly acquainted exes? Are we rekindling? Am I just delusional? I get the feeling that maybe you're flirting with me but you’ve always had a blurred line between friendly and flirty.  Honestly, that should’ve been a red flag from the start. Who the hell knows.

It just sucks, you know? I'm falling head over heels again, really fast and pathetically too, and it’s just as effortless and just as scary this time around. Just like before, I'm not sure whether you're going to be there to break the fall but let’s be real here; chances are you’ve already moved on. If you have, then I guess I'd crash into the ground, break into a million pieces, no big deal, and just lie there. Just stay broke and wallow in self pity.

I’d better end it here before Soonyoung catches me moping again. He says it’s your loss anyway but why does it feel like I’m the one who’s lost.

I promised to cut it out but somehow, I feel like this won’t be the last.

Always yours,

Wonwoo   



	4. Stage 4: Bargaining

Hi Mingyu,

I haven’t written <strike>to</strike> <strike> you</strike> <strike>to myself</strike> in a while. 

I’ve been thinking. Yes, a dangerous activity, that’s what you always said. That’s also probably why I don’t think before opening my mouth and look at us now.

I’m sorry, okay? You always say that I talk without sparing your feelings even a little glance but how was I supposed to when you keeping your issues in a box under the sock drawer? 

Sorry, again. This is an apology and not a damn rage posting.

What I mean to say is, I wish we sorted this out before it got worse. You had your shortcomings and I know I had mine. I got used to you and ended up being complacent. I guess I forgot that you had a whole line of people waiting for an opening to replace me in your life.

<strike> Yes, I know it bothers you that’s why we don’t talk about the hoard of guys and girls in your “fanclub” not to mention your crazy fansites but this is a letter to me from me anyway </strike>

Though we’ve made progress. We’re kinda friends and you don’t leave me hanging as long as I don’t bring up the elephant in the room aka my feelings for you. It took me a long time to figure out that you like to sweep everything under the rug. Recently I have just learned that when the rug is too dusty and dirty, you just throw it out.

In case you missed it, unfortunately, our relationship was the rug. And you threw it out in the open just like that. No, there is no bitterness in my tone.

I don’t even remember the last time I saw you. Or the last time I held your hand. Or the last time we said I love yous and meant it. Even though I know it would hurt, I want to go back to it just so I could’ve taken my time with our lasts.

Thinking back, I don’t think either of us could’ve foreseen that we would go through this. Surely, I didn’t. I’m sorry for the fact that we had to have lasts. I'd take all of it back if I could.

Always yours,

Wonwoo

  
  
  
  



	5. Stage 5: Acceptance

Today, you kept mentioning someone else. It’s been a while now actually. About how he got you obsessed with zombies and The Walking Dead. About how he’s helping your sister to get through high school biology. About he said this-and-that and about when both of you went to so-and-so. <strike> It’s so hard being away from you, that should’ve been me. </strike>

Your voice was different when you talked about him. If I’m not mistaken, I’d say that’s how you used to talk about me.

It was time. I put off confronting you about us because I don’t know if I could take what you’d say but today, I finally was strong enough.

I asked you if you liked him.

It was quiet for a few seconds. I could hear you hesitating and you could probably hear me fighting off tears. 

“Maybe,” you said in that little voice, like you didn’t want to cause any more pain for me. You said it was a maybe, but I know you. It was yes but you haven’t realized it yet.

It was time. I've fallen in love with you, fallen out a bit only to get pulled back in and now I'm letting you go. When we got together, I knew we were still young and we were going to grow up and mature a hell of a lot more. I had imagined holding your hand as we grew as individuals but I didn’t ever think we’d grow apart. Maybe that’s just life.

It feels better than it should, I guess. I did spend a couple of hours waiting for my tears to stop but finally, I’ve run out. Now, it's as if I'm just breathing you out of my system. Slowly, but I can do this.

I think I need to learn how to be just friends with you. I know I said we already were but friends probably don’t cry when their friends takes an interest in someone else.

Despite this whole mess, I still treasure you as a person who I grew up with, a person who I hold dear. So maybe in a few months or years <strike> or not </strike>, we can find our way back to each other with our past put behind us, as friends.

So this is goodbye, I guess. It was a whole rollercoaster ride with you. I’m sorry we had to go through a bumpy end, but now it’s time to get off.

<strike> For the last time, </strike>

Always yours,

Wonwoo

**Author's Note:**

> aaaand thank you for reaching the end!!
> 
> also this was based on actual letters I wrote to my ex lol
> 
> I hope you enjoyed and please give this fic some love, I am eternally grateful


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